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Feminism, Socialism, Christianity, Autism, and Mommy-blogging. You'd think I'd need more blogs. But no.
Mis à jour : il y a 10 min 11 sec

But bitches be crazy!

lun, 10/27/2014 - 14:37
I'm sitting in my van (which is named Halen, because how could it be named anything else, when it rocks so hard and is totally undervalued) while Tony takes Crackle to the dentist. I'm phobic, so it's best I don't go in.

And I'm thinking about the Ghomeshi story, and the PR of abusers. They usually don't have the money and power this one has, being able to afford a high powered firm, but they are always running a PR game, discrediting anyone making an accusation, often before they make it. And people fall for it, hook, line, and sinker.
This is unreal. Someone please run this cunt over with a tank. The thought that your job can dictate your sex... http://t.co/eenHm2bVeE
— Katherine Desmond (@soundmuseum) October 26, 2014 And look what it gets them! Uncritical support. And what do the victims get? Rape threats. Death threats.
Would love to get the name and picture of the cunt who fucked over Jian Ghomeshi....
— T.K. (@tgkfilms) October 27, 2014  And they can't win. If they go to the police, their names become public and their lives are ruined. If they stay anonymous, they're not credible. Just look at any comment section you can stomach.

Which is bullshit. By the way, Toronto Star, adding that they are well-educated and employed suggests that their social standing should have an impact on whether I believe them. Fuck you for that.

I believe them. No, I don't know for a fact that he did it. But I believe them. Just like those who believe he is innocent believe but don't know. Sadly, I'm in the minority.

And why? Why is it so easy to believe women are crazy bitches, making up stories to smear wonderful men, instead of believing that men might be abusive assholes, hiding their nature, running a PR game on everyone? Why is liar easier to believe than victim? Several reasons.

1. Misogyny. Systemic misogyny. It's easier to blame women when the societal narrative supports that belief. Women are lying, scheming, screech harpies because that's what we're often taught to believe. They're set up to fail at rape accusations. From the simplest details like whether they provide a name or not - Presumed lying if they don't; presumed attention whore if they do. And look at that language. Women-only insults for this sort of thing.

2. Denial for self-preservation. For a fleeting few minutes, I played the denial game and believed his story. Because I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe he was one of those guys, an abuser, a rapist. Because I liked him. And I hated thinking that I didn't know. And quite honestly, because I didn't want to accept the reality that this happens all the time. I didn't want to believe that it happened again.

And then my bubble burst. In about 3 seconds of critical thought. It's not about me. It's not even about him. It's about women who wanted to see him stopped, without destroying their own lives.  And so, I believe them and I support them. Because they have nothing to gain, everything to lose, and I admire their courage. Ghomeshi doesn't need my support. He's rich and powerful and male. He has all the support he needs.

Random thought about privilege

ven, 10/17/2014 - 18:18
Another random thought about privilege. Being white, cis-male, and straight doesn't mean you don't get an opinion on minority issues. It means your opinion is irrelevant. Maybe pull on your big boy pants, and reflect on what it feels like to have your opinion ignored.

You can TOTALLY think that random racist/sexist/transphobic/ablist comments are completely harmless and unoffensive. And when someone informs you otherwise, your choices are to change your opinion and not do it again, keep your opinion and still not do it again, or keep your opinion and continue to do racist things.

I love people who can easily change their beliefs. Confronted with new information, they just jump on it and go with it. Blackface is not okay? Dude. Sorry. Let me wipe that off right now. Hey, Jim. Dude here says our costume is offensive. Wipe it off, okay?

Choosing to keep your opinion but still not doing the behaviour is totally okay, btw. I've done it plenty. I don't understand why LOTS of things are offensive. I don't need to understand. I'm told it is, so I don't do it. Because my opinion on the matter is irrelevant. Sure, education is great, and I do try to learn. But sometimes, it's not appropriate to ask and sometimes I don't understand the answer. So I STFU and don't do that. I wish I could think of a good example offhand. Maybe the -ed on transgendered vs. transgender. I get the logic, but I don't see the problem as a big deal. But guess what, my opinion on the matter is utterly irrelevant because I'm not trans. I don't get it. I have cis-privilege. What I do know is that it's considered offensive by the people actually involved, so I don't do it. Even if I don't really understand. I call that "Not being a douchetree". And I don't sit on Twitter or Facebook arguing about why I'm right. Furthermore, when I hear others do it, I suggest that they don't. Because even if I don't understand, I can signal boost.

There's a difference between "I don't get it, but I won't do it" and "I won't do it, I think you're being utterly ridiculous and I'm going to tell you every chance I get what an over-sensitive sucky baby you are". The former shows respect. I respect that when a member of group X says, "Don't do that, it's Xist" it's probably Xist, even if I know 10 others who don't care. I had a friend in high school who said, "Oh ferfuckssake, I'm Indian. STOP with the native/aboriginal/FN shit. I'm an indian and you can just say that". Great. And I did. With everyone. Because I was young, arrogant, ignorant, and a bit of an asshole. And then someone finally clued me in in a way that I understood and I stopped that shit.

And then there's the massive fuckpuddles who think that their opinion is correct, don't care to learn, and don't give a rat's ass if the people around them are hurt. Beautiful example: gypsy costumes at Halloween. It's a culture, for fuck's sake. Not a costume. These people are treated like shit all over the place, and wooo, let's dress as a caricature of them for Halloween. Told someone that. She said I was being ridiculous and she'd dress however she wanted. I told her to go for it, but not be surprised if someone told her she was an insensitive asswipe. Seriously, if you're okay with people thinking you're insensitive and uncaring, go to it. Be gypsies or geisha girls or harem girls. Be sure to paint your face and wear eagle feathers. It's your right. And it's mine to call you out on it.

There's another post brewing here about the very notion of offensive. Stay tuned. :)